March 31, 2008

Proper Potty: Put a Lid On It.

Simply lower the toilet's lid when you are finished. Toilets are gross. There is a lid on it to help contain the essence of a toilet, and also to prevent items from falling in the pot (always tragic). 
It should go without saying that men must always lower the seat when they have finished in the restroom. But still, it must be said again. And again. And additionally, Please Put a Lid On It!

March 28, 2008

The Cheese Stands Alone

Should men stand when a lady enters or leaves the gathering? 

This formality smells like old cheese and old ways. However, it is appropriate for gentlemen to stand to either greet or to bid farewell a lady of significant age or importance. It is a courtesy paid with respect, but also lends the gentleman as a gregarious and charming sort of individual. But please, stand from a genuine desire to! Otherwise the action is meaningless. 

Modern women may mock such a gesture as over the top, but it should be appreciated with a smile and a gentle nod of the head. Singling out a gentleman for standing could be seen as crass. On the other hand, it is not a custom we should expect. When a lady leaves in the middle of a meal, for instance, all the present gentleman standing would only add to the disruption of her exit and cause her embarrassment. 

March 26, 2008

Here's a Tip.

Always TIP!

T.I.P. stands for To Insure Promptness, and was originally used like we now use "to grease" or "to slip (someone a twenty)". These days tipping has taken on a new role in the way we receive service and there are situations which require different approaches. These are the basics of tipping after a meal.
But first, when DON'T we tip? We are not expected to tip, unless given something for free, when the server is paid a wage. For instance, most behind the counter workers like Starbucks' baristas or your local deli guy are paid a wage. Your kindness may not even be felt some baristas, Starbucks recently ran into trouble by giving a share of tips earned to manager. To read further on this check out BBC. Still, it is nice to acknowledge people's work for you with money. 

If you have never worked in the restaurant industry you may not know that waiters/waitress' work almost exclusively for tips. This means that they are paid only as much as you give them for the period of time you are sitting at their table. In America, it has become mandatory to leave gratuity after your meal, because restaurants do not pay a wage for service. It is standard to pay 15-20% of the meal you ordered. Any less could only be because of atrocious and audacious service, and not necessarily linked to the food itself. 

Remember: If you can't afford the tip, do not eat out. 

March 20, 2008

Conduct: Don't Touch!

Visit a Museum With Proper Gusto
  • never touch art you don't own, even if you could should you want to. 
  • delight in hushed conversation, but also relish silence
  • children should appreciate artwork as their parents do, never interfering with other patrons' experiences. 
  • limit group size to three persons, leaving room for everyone. 
  • enjoy yourself, a little. its not an amusement park. 
  • when you don't know, ask the staff. making up stories will only get you into trouble. 
  • its not a church, but do wear clothes. 
  • yes, the guards are watching you. 
  • maybe some of the work your child could do. maybe they are genius children. 
  • approach artworks like you are meeting a new person: from various angles, openly, with polite respect until you gather enough history/gossip to ascertain its social relevance and whether you feel comfortable liking it. and remember: you wouldn't poke someone you just met, would you?
  • if it is in a Museum, it is considered art by people more important than yourself. 

March 18, 2008

March 17, 2008

On Correspondence: "He Don't Live Here No More"

The mail arrives, but sadly the bulk of it is not for you . The letters are addressed to former inhabitants or ex-lovers and you would rather not deal with them. 

Return mail to the sender by drawing one line diagonally through the address. When you place the misdirected mail in the post-box, the post-people will know to deliver the marked mail back to its sender. Your hands are clean from with-holding or tampering, it is possible the addressees will eventually receive their mail, and you have gotten all $00.42 out of that stamp. 

March 12, 2008

Proper Potty: Squat or Pot?

Public restrooms pose a quandary for some modern day ladies. Though stalls provide privacy, there is still a thick layer of 'public' that's best avoided. 

To really prevent butt-nee, rancid moisture, or worse, lift the seat and squat. The deeper you squat the less spray is created, and the better work out for your thighs.

If poppin' a squat isn't your style, then by all means have a seat. It is perfectly acceptable to densely paper before descending to the throne. But beware the desperate sheet of toilet paper clinging to your shoe!

Gentlemen have a different set of issues involving eye contact, hand signals, and where to step up to bat. For more insight on these issues watch urinal etiquette.

March 07, 2008

Left Weighting

When using shared gym facilities, remove any weights that you placed on equipment when you are done. 
Fatties and little girly girls can't bump off your dead weight alone.